This will be my first true cross post.
I just got me a new one torn. Admittedly, I was wrong. I didn't realize how out of hand things had gotten. At one point, I didn't thing I was being taken seriously, now I know different. Problem is, I may have lost two of the best females I have ever met. Like I just told them in a conversation I had with the both of them... I am sorry.
I flirt. I flirt a lot. A lot of the time I don't even know that I am doing it. Recently, I have realized that I have been flirting too much. If I have flirted with you, especially recently, I hope you understood that it was just flirting and meant to be harmless.
With the two ladies, it was different. I am not going to get into names or specifics. This is not to protect myself, but I think I have done them both enough of a disservice. I am sincerely sorry. They brought to my attention that I had been telling them both much of the same things. I can't say I am sorry enough. I am especially sorry if I have hurt anyone.
I have a tightness in my chest. I realize my fault. I wish there was someway to correct the situation but there isn't. Whatever happens I supposed I deserve what I get.
I have destroyed a confidence. I took for granted who I am and what effect I could have on other people. I try to tell everyone to read in context, but I guess I can't fault you for not knowing what's going on in my head.
There are no excuses. I wanted to make it right when I realized what was happening, but I realized I was weak. I have been more lonely recently and almost desperate. Someone often jokes that I am soft. The words she uses to describe me escapes me at the moment. The gist is that I am emotional and feminine, sometimes.
I have been lonely and sort of crying out for attention and accepting it where I could get it. In the midst of it all I have become something I am not and there is no excuse. You know the argument was made if I am going to do it, why do it where people are and interact with each other and the truth is that I never took it that serious. This time it was serious and I tried to stop it before it was too late but it was already out of my control. Now I am feeling stupid. I say again, I deserve it and probably a lot more. I may have gotten off easy. I don't think it's over though.
I was torn. Torn between someone who gave me all of the attention I wanted and needed and someone who seemed to want all the same things I wanted. When one wasn't there, the other was and I just went with it. It wasn't fair to either of them. I realize that. I seriously fucked up.
I apologize to you all for not being who you thought me to be.
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